The older I get, the more affected I am by people and their emotions. Anxious people make me anxious, my heart hurts when I see people truly sad. But positively, the same goes for happiness. My friends’ and families’ happiness makes me happy.
After a week of over-socialization, I’m suffering from a little bit of withdrawal this overcast Monday morning.
I had plans every dinner break last week, my parents came into town, and I even had plans after work. And I had plans all weekend. I got very little sleep, but honestly that’s how I like to live. Busy is good, busy keeps me high, doesn’t let the lows set in. I rode the high of their emotions and my own.
Busy lets me enjoy life in the moment and not overthink.
Now, in the stillness, I have time to think. Think about my visitors being gone, think about how people I’ve grown close to are moving away, and think about all that needs to be done.
Those don’t have to be negative thoughts, they aren’t. I’m happy for those people and life is full of responsibility. But sitting in stillness can feel like emptiness. I’m coming down off the high, so the normal feels low. Normal is not low, but for now, it is.
The stillness won’t last long, plans will come, and I leave town Friday.. and again the two weekends following. Then the cycle continues.
I’m working on building a life that’s here, not away. So the away isn’t the high, so my new home is where I long to be. I can’t ride the high of people so far away and I can’t let that be where my happiness lies. Settling down into a new home, is not settling. Making new connections is not letting go of the old. So here’s to finding happiness here and finding those people who I can share in those emotions.
Nine months later and this place is still new.
Catherine with a C, Katie with a K 