It’s Winesday.

I’m buzzing around my apartment.

I wish it was because I was celebrating National Wine Day (which happens to have fallen on Winesday)

But in all seriousness, I got up early to do yoga, followed by a four mile walk, and coffee. So BUZZING.

It’s not so much an anxious energy as it is just an excess of it. I can’t seem to focus on anything for more than 30 seconds at a time. I have so much planning and organizing to do, from my trip home this weekend, booking a place for July (yay for lease gaps), and my birthday trip to see my best friend from college in Nashville. I’ve only managed to accomplish one of those tasks and I already could use some Winesday celebration. Too bad I have work in less than an hour.

Here’s to a hopefully easy day at work and Winesday celebration later.

Some days

Some days are going to suck, that’s just a reality. We can’t have all good days all the time. Sometimes people are nasty just because they can be and unfortunately you can’t always just walk away from them.

But it’s our duty to ourselves on those days to find the little glimmers we can.

Today is one of those days where the people I have to interact with want to be unnecessarily nasty. My solution? I’m taking my full hour dinner break away from work to curl up on my couch watching ‘Peaky Blinders’ and eating my dinner off a real plate for once.

I won’t lie, less than an hour ago I was brooding and moody and more than ready to snap back. Instead, I’m taking my hour to note the good in my day. Most notably, being on my couch currently. It’s going to take all my effort to pry myself from it and head back to work, but I will nonetheless. Back to my ‘Peaky Blinders’ and not letting bad attitudes ruin my day.

Namaste in the gardens

Continuing on my road to fitness, I woke up at the crack of dawn for yoga in the gardens. Okay, 6:30 isn’t *really* the crack of dawn, but for someone who gets off work at 11:45 p.m., it sure felt like it.

Let me tell you, it was as beautiful and peaceful as I hoped it would be. And I sure as hell know I’m going to be sore. Score!

I was a liiiitle excited and nervous about finding the location/open spots in the class, so I showed up 3o minutes before it even started… the instructor hadn’t even arrived yet. Not many people show up 30 minutes early for an 8 a.m. class. Oops? But hey, I scored an awesome spot. Front row, not so center. I can only be *so* much of an overachiever.

It’s an ‘open’ class meaning it’s open to all levels. I love doing yoga, but I’m by no means an expert or a routine practitioner. So it was challenging, but not so challenging that I got stressed or overly competitive. Yeah, I do that sometimes. Get competitive in yoga. That’s not recommended or condoned really…

I did not get competitive. However, I did challenge myself, focused on my breathing, and push my muscles to the highest level I could hold. I made friends with the woman next to me who summers here from Germany (hi Helga!). I’m eager for next week’s class and continuing tour of the gardens.

Now, I’m diving head first into an açaí bowl and soy mocha before I head out for my 5 miles for the day. (Don’t worry, I didn’t forget ;)) Today, it’s going to be barefoot on the beach. It’s still moving forward, right?

Here’s to getting fit, getting focused, and enjoying new things along the way.

 

Dinner on my mind

Another Monday, another fresh start. I’m challenging myself to get my 5 miles in every day this week. Running preferably, but walking if I have to.

I’ve been off with it recently and feel disgusting. I love working out, but getting back on track is hard to do. At least being consistent.

So here we are Monday and I walked my 5 miles, coffee in hand. Why rush into it, right? Now I’ve got my açaí in hand and I’m wearing a brand new dress. Monday is off to a good start.

I’m even already planning to take my dinner break down by the water. To be completely honest, I’m already excited to eat what I made for dinner. Chickpeas, kidney beans (dark and light because it’s aesthetically pleasing), spinach, red onion, and chicken breast tossed in red wine and olive oil dressing. (The chicken was also cooked with the dressing and pepper).

So here’s to a Monday full of good food, good vibes, and not rushing into anything.

Cheers!

Seek gatekeepers, not tour guides

The thing about information is once you share it, it’s no longer just ‘yours’. You’ve passed it on, you’ve copied the key. You select who you share it with, but by doing so hope, pray, that they will treat it with the same security you do. You hand over the key and hope that they don’t find another locksmith. Hope they act as a guard to the castle, not a tour guide.

The story and details will never be the same coming from another’s lips. They can’t. All their background, experience, and bias slowly morphing it into something else. Morphing it into their own.

When you pass on information, it’s no longer yours.

We don’t pass out copies of our house key without strong consideration, but our hearts, our minds, our goals, and fears, those keys seem to be cut much quicker. Maybe not something huge, maybe not our deepest darkest secrets, but the locks keep turning, one by one. Soon, you don’t know who holds a key or the dreaded copy of a copy.

It’s far worse than telephone, being known, or assumed to be known. Telephone there’s hesitation, are you sure that’s what was said? You get to the end of the line… hesitate… announce what you heard… but safely add a question mark. When people hold a key, they assume it works, it’s right, it’s been cut by machine. There’s no static, no wires to be crossed.

I’ve had to learn that copying keys is no safe business.

Seek gatekeepers, not tour guides.

….but…

The reality is, you’re not going to change. Not for me, not for anyone else.

You’ll continue on your merry-go-round and complain that for you it all stays the same, but somehow everyone leaves, everyone changes.

While everyone finds themselves and settles down, you continue to say “we’re just too young.” But when will we become not “too young”? At 30? 35? 40? Not everyone has to follow the same path, but it seems to be what you long for.

Commitment? No thank you. …But please spend the night every night… and can I meet your mom?

Moving in together? Pass. …But why don’t you leave stuff here… and we can get ready for work together in the morning…

Long distance is not for me. …But when are you coming home… and when can I come see you?

It’s the push and pull of what you really want, but are too afraid to really ask for. It’s the fear of asking for more when really wanting 100%. It’s the fear of “everyone leaves, everyone changes.” Stuck in limbo of not wanting to hold on, but not wanting to let go.

And forever in that limbo you’ll be. Wanting love, commitment, and just plain “more”. Settling for lust, apathy, and so much less.

You can’t get without asking or doing. It’s not just going to happen. Opening up is scary, but the reward might just be worth it.

 

Doing this week (W)right(sville)

Hello Wednesday, you beautiful creature you. I’m treating this week to good views and good coffee in Wrightsville Beach.

I’m feeling refreshed as I sip on my soy mocha staring at the Atlantic. Why wait for the weekend to try something new when there’s coffee begging to be sipped? And who needs coffee on the weekend anyway? I crave it to get through the work day. (Shout out to all my fellow night shift workers!)

I’m in love with all the local pop-ups in and around Wilmington and Wrightsville recently. I always told myself in college that I would try all the local staples or hidden gems, but only seemed to get to a few. Something always seemed to get in the way. But this week I find myself at new cafe #2 and again, I’m impressed. Impressed with the kindness, impressed with the vibe, and impressed with the decor.

Walking in to SUN days, the decor hugs you with cozy beach vibes, in all the best ways. Wooden high tops and stools with exposed medal legs, wooden bar with patchwork plank pieces, concrete walls painted in varying shades of blue, and wide open loft spacing. Local art pinned to the wall, that is a must for me in local shops. Distinguishing the space from everyone else, while also lending a hand to other aspiring locals. The music is probably Spotify rather than a playlist, but it’s upbeat and fresh. No Top 40, which is the last thing I need pumping through my ears as I pump myself with caffeine.

I keep getting distracted by the view of shiny blue water peaking at me over the sand. There may be hotels in between us and the deep blue, but the window is perfectly placed to match with the window between the buildings across the street. (Flashback to my middle school chorus teacher yelling “find your window!” as we filled the risers. Not that I ever had that problem being in the first row and all…)

Did I mention they serve wine and beer here too? No? Oh well they do. This can be your first, last, and anything in between stop as you hit the sand. Caffe’d up weekday stop or boozy beach Saturday, they have you set.

My next test will be the açaí bowl. I admit, I’ve fallen in love with the plant and I’m always looking for new ways to spice up my limited diet.

I won’t have time to dip my toes in the water before work, but the killer view and food have me more than set for a glorious start to the day. Cheers to new local places and new favorites.

 

The way to my heart is through my coffee

The one thing I love about working evenings is having my whole morning to start the day right. Even if I sleep in a bit, I still have time to do things for me before my work day starts.

This morning I chose to lay out on the beach and get coffee at a new coffee shop. I skipped my workout, it happens.

No matter what happens at work. Madness, mistakes, overload. I spent my morning soaking in the sun and drinking a handcrafted drink. The owner of the shop took extra care making sure my macchiato was exactly what I wanted. I didn’t ask her to do that, she took the time and effort to sell an extraordinary drink. Clarifying this is “no Starbucks” macchiato, it’s traditional. Great! That’s exactly what I want, not dessert coffee. She walked me through every step, with “is this enough” and explaining all that went in to less than 12 ounces of my caffeine boost for the day. That made me feel seen and worth the time. No matter if work is good or bad, someone took the time to make my day, in a seemingly small way, that means so much.

I took extra time getting ready, picked out a (work appropriate) summer dress for this killer heat, curled my hair, and pasted on fake eyelashes for good measure. It’s Tuesday and I’m riding the high that’s already been established.

I can’t control everything, but I can control how my day starts. It doesn’t matter that I slept in later than planned, I found the time to enjoy my surroundings. Taking time to fill life and my coffee cup to the brim.

Cheers to a good coffee and a good start to the day.

Family first

Mother’s Day got me thinking about how much I’ve missed these past 7 months after moving away.

Every holiday, birthdays, and little family gatherings. Sometimes I feel bad for myself about it, but not right now.  I get to see my family around the holidays or soon after, but I don’t get to see my extended family like before.

I talk to my mom almost every day and my dad a few times a week. They know what’s going on in my life and I try to see them once a month. But talking to my godmother yesterday, I remembered what family has always meant to me. I may have whined and complained about road trips to see extended family as a teenager, but I got to develop real relationships with my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. All of whom have shaped me in some way or another.

Sitting with one of my lifelong friends yesterday, one who gets to go home even less than I do. We talked about how growing up and moving away has given us new appreciation for our parents. Both of us couldn’t wait to grow up and get out, now as adults we have a much different view. We’ve both moved away and don’t necessarily want to move back to our hometown, but don’t want to be too far either.

When you’re starting out, you have to give up quite a bit to follow your dreams. And that’s OK, it’s expected, and hopefully fulfilling. It also teaches you quite a bit. It teaches you what matters most. Family, friends, relationships, hobbies. For me, family comes first. That encompasses my closes friends too.

Money and jobs are great, but they’re nothing without people to share it with. Call me crazy for driving 14 hours round trip once a month to see people for 48 hours, but I think it’s time well spent. Those visits are something that can’t be replaced or substituted with anything else.

Relationships don’t have a dollar value, they’re worth so much more.

Unexpected visitors

While getting ready for work this afternoon I had an unexpected visitor.

Like most people these days, and especially for those who live in apartments, friends don’t tend to show up announced. So there were only three possibilities delivery person, sales person, or worst of all, someone from the apartment complex (see: maintenance).
Knowing there were no packages on the way, left me two unappealing options. A quick peak through the peephole revealed a man with a ladder. *Sigh* maintenance it is… Unannounced.
Standing there in my robe and a mouth full of toothpaste, I had one of two options: answer the door in my less than presentable state or ignore it and hope he doesn’t just come in.
(My apartment complex has been known not to follow rules i.e. advanced notice of visits).

I chose the former.

“Can I help you?”
“Hi! I’m here to fix the bathroom fan!”
(Internally: *rolls eyes* “you mean the one that’s been broken for six months?)
“Um… I’m kind of busy right now….”
“…But I’m here to fix the fan!”
“Listen… *squints at name tag* Greg. I’m in the middle of getting ready for work…”
(As if that wasn’t apparent by the toothpaste I was talking through)
“So… I can’t fix the fan? I just need to get in the bathroom”
“… Yeah… I know, but you see… I’m using it…”
“So I can’t come in then? When will you be done?”
“Uhhhh… can you give me like 30 minutes at least?”
(Internally: “So NOW it’s urgent. But not any of the times *I* called”)
“Oh yeah yeah sure… I guess I could have called first.”
(Yeah, no kidding Greg)

Not fifteen minutes later, there’s another knock on the door. Fearing he wouldn’t honor my time limit, I had luckily finished beautifying.

“Hi, can I fix the fan now? I just don’t know when I’ll be back if I don’t do it now”
(Wow, wouldn’t it be nice if we could all use that excuse at work?
Well boss, don’t know when I’ll be back next… see you… whenever! *rolls eyes*)
“Yeah… sure Greg have at it.”

The good news is my bathroom fan is fixed (after six months). The bad news is Greg isn’t high on my list right now.